PRISON

Hello. Greetings. (Both of you)  I`ve been in prison. It was all very unfortunate, the way things tend to be when I`m around.  Also, it`s a long story. But I have time on my hands now.

It was like when the Romans came. How was I to know they were going to kill all the Druids? I was only young.  A mere boy. So I was condemned to wander through space and time, trying to explain about the Celts and what the Romans did to them and why they did it. A lot of this has to do with the hero Diarmid, who became famous and the subject of many songs and tales. Only the thing is,you find yourself in strange places and the odds are stacked against you, you just have to do the best you can.

The trouble is, I haven`t got the hang of this Slipshifting at all. They gave me passwords and phrases to say when I wanted to move on. If I`m very frightened or in a great hurry, I can`t remember them. As you may have noticed when I went to school, you can end up in the wrong by place quite by accident and even if you haven`t done anything wrong.

That`s what happened this time.  I got caught in a narrow valley, up in Scotland. That`s what they call it now, and the nearest island you`ll know is The Isle of Skye. The hills are very steep there, and slippery in Winter.  I forget what clan the people were. I just landed there, straight out of Rome and wearing Roman clothes.  

That must be why they took against me. I was just looking round, trying to get my bearings. It was very cold and I badly needed to get under cover before I froze. About six of them came running up towards me, waving swords. I had no idea what they were shouting but take it from me, it wasn`t "Happy Birthday! Come and have a wee dram!"  When peole wave swords at my advice is: get out quick. I turned and ran, straight up the hillside and down the other side. They didn`t give up. They don` give up easily, you know, Picts. A very tough lot. At least I knew that much.

So I wasn`t that surprised at the top when I saw them still coming after me. They were closing in. The next mountain was a proper mountain. It was tall and th e top was a spike of rock. Off I went. When I reached the top, allI could see was a line of three more peaks sticking bleakly out of the snow. The sides were all steep. I was tired. My legs  were going wobbly and I felt I could not go on any further. But still they were coming after me. What could I do? One option was just to throw myself down the side. "If I die, at least I`ll get some sleep," I thought. All teh same, I did not really like the idea of getting battered to death on the rocks. Or waking up with no legs.

Then I had an idea.  I quickly looked around the peak.The slope at the back, facing North looked easiest. So I sat down. Bracing myself with my legs, I slid. Only my legs were not strong enough. Before I knew it, I was travelling at great speed. The men behind started whistling furious tumes on their whistles. I couldn`t care less. I had escaped them. Faster and faster I went, until I started to roll over. I hit my head.  When I woke up I was in a bed, warm and dry, but with  a fearsome bunch of red-bearded warriors gazing down at me, all looking very grim.

Soon afterwards, my situation became pretty grim too.